Computer jargon has crept its way into civilized society for years ("Can I get your input on this?"), but now the obscuring euphemisms of the dot-bombs are worming in. The one that piques me lately is "burn rate," which refers to how fast the up-front money weaseled from the venture capitalists and IPO investors is being spent. The thinking (?) was that if the burn rate was low enough (or the money high enough) that you had a profitable product before all the capital was exhausted, this was a winner of a business plan. When did this change to "burn rate" from "losses"? No doubt it explains why people justified company game rooms with rock-climbing walls, etc.
Not long ago, I went on a call to the Eastern shore to set up a satellite modem for a couple who had decided that's where they wanted to live, and his company in California would have to accommodate that desire. There is no cable at their little private spot at the end of a creek, of course, but that's what satellites are for, I guess. After several hours of making their several units share a Virtual Private Network connection to the coast, I left thinking that that's what I wanted: to be high enough in the pecking order that a company would pay someone like me whatever it took to make them happy.
You can probably see the end from here: Last week I got the letter from the lawyers in California, advising of the bankruptcy proceedings and telling me to kiss that invoice goodbye. I guess the burn rate finally hit the actual dynamite. How many others do you know of?
Is there a lesson here for business owners, besides the "deal with people you know well" rule? Probably "don't let your invoices get over 30 days before you get nasty." Another legacy from the high-flying bunch.
What's An ASP?
If you're an English major or a Cleopatra fan, you'd say "an anglicized form of Aspis, the name used in classical antiquity for a venomous snake, probably the Egyptian cobra. It was the symbol of royalty in Egypt, and its bite was used for the execution of favored criminals in Greco-Roman times." Close enough for computers. The term nowadays stands for Application Service Provider, which is an idea that is being more than heavily promoted as the next wave in computing.
What it means is having an independent company provide the applications (software) and store your data on an accessible web site. The plusses are that you can access your stuff from anywhere that has a web site, and the provider takes care of updates, etc. The minuses are numerous enough: providers going out of business (see above); not owning a software package that you know and like and will use forever (sorry, we're no longer offering that, even if you, unsophisticated swill of a user, happened to like it); trying to connect with a distant provider at 3 a.m. when something is due for the 8 a.m. meeting and getting "system maintenance" messages, etc. It's probably OK if you're a corporate user who is forced to use the "company standard" anyway, but it's not a wonderful idea for the vast majority of small or medium size businesses.
Credit Where Credit Is Due
Symantec (parent of Norton AntiVirus) has a wonderful collection of very specific virus killers that are available for free download from http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/tools.list.html. It includes a tool for the MTX, a particularly ugly little bugger that is showing up with regularity in this area, as well as the Pretty Park and Snowhite nasties. They emphasize the importance of scanning with their software when finished, of course, but there is no requirement to own it to use these tools. Also available is virus hoax and joke information, and trigger date calendars. A good thing at a great price.
A Black Rose Where It Is Due
On the down side, McAfee has a series of ads on its web site (where you should go often to update your virus data files) that look like Windows error messages: "Your memory is not optimized - download RamDust NOW." The stuff is background programs that they want to sell. The method of fake error messages, complete with red circles and authentic looking messages, is unconscionable.
Microsoft Strikes Again
A new wave of ads from Microsoft has been showing up lately in very high-priced time slots touting "software for the agile business" (as opposed to software for the laggard dullard, I suppose). In any case, one of the lines is "the software is not vain," as in it doesn't care if you don't pay attention to it.
Excuse me, but have I been missing something? Are my CD-ROMs prancing around in the middle of the night when I sleep? Do they preen in front of the mirror when we're not watching? Would the software run better if we dusted the boxes occasionally, instead of stacking them in the dark bottom of a closet? Do my databases have egos? Do your spreadsheets have ids? Exactly what do they mean by this? It would just be more honest to say: "Software for the insecure IT manager, whose boss will see these commercials and ask him if we're agile."
